Do not be daunted by the insurmountability of the world’s grief.
Do justly now.
Love mercy now.
Walk humbly now.
You are not obligated to complete the work,
But neither are you free to abandon it.
— The Talmud
5 Pieces composed by Joe LoCascio
I. Starbright
II. Angles and Diversions
III. Poseidons
IV. From the Notebook of a Slightly Mad Noblewoman
V. Reflection’s Fading
今年他計畫參加不丹每年舉辦的春季馬拉松,因為來不及規劃行程與體能訓練而作罷。 接著登錄的猶他州鹽湖城四月馬拉松,因傳染病疫情而取消,而南方大城的馬拉松行程,想當然爾,也一律取消了。 但是,他要跑,為在家避難、困坐愁城的民眾和音樂藝術家而跑。
他計畫路程,計算里程數,聯絡當地音樂家贊助組織 (Houston Music Foundation),以及紐約的當代音樂作曲家組織 (New Music USA),他以行動為這些組織募款,期盼災難過後,音樂家們能有足夠的經費恢復工作。
Well, I will provide for you
And I’ll stand by your side
You’ll need a good companion now
For this part of the ride
Leave behind your sorrows
Let this day be the last
Tomorrow there’ll be sunshine
And all this darkness past
Big wheels roll through fields where sunlight streams
Meet me in a land of hope and dreams
(Land of Hope and Dream by Bruce Springsteen)
「No matter where you are and what you are doing, don’t forget you are a practitioner」。 面對自己,檢視自己,我牢牢將這個教誨記在心裡。 即使遭受變故與傷害,不忘失自己的任務與誓願,無垠的天際之下,我必須有勇氣守護眾生,救護自己。
There’s a place on a blank stretch of road where
Nobody travels and nobody goes and the
Deskman says these days ‘round here
Two young folks could probably up and disappear into
Rustlin’ sheets a sleepy corner room
Into the musty smell
Of wilted flowers and lazy afternoon hours
At the Moonlight Motel
The pool’s filled with empty eight-foot deep
Got dandelions growin’ up through the cracks in the concrete
Chain link fence half-rusted away
Got a sign says “children be careful how you play”
Your lipstick taste and your whispered secret I promised I’d never tell
A half-drunk beer and your breath in my ear
At the Moonlight Motel
Well then it’s bills and kids and kids and bills and the ringing of the bell
Across the valley floor through the dusty screen door
Of the Moonlight Motel
Last night I dreamed of you my lover
And the wind blew through the window and blew off the covers
Of my lonely bed I woke to something you said
That it’s better to have loved yea it’s better to have loved
As I drove there was a chillin’ breeze
And leaves tumbled from the sky and fell
Onto a road so black as I backtracked
To the Moonlight Motel
Pulled a bottle of Jack out of a paper bag
Poured one for me and one for you as well
Then it was one more shot poured out onto the parking lot
To the Moonlight Motel
電影中的主角Javed 走向他的作家之路,真實世界中的 “Javed” 已然是英國頗富影響力的作家和記者。 而我,想來也並不是全然寂寞,我走著和 Javed 相似的內心旅程,讀著與 Bruce Springsteen 相連的堅毅與慈悲,就算心被輾碎了,都要想辦法站起來,走自己的路,也走一條為了人們、通往人們的路。 即使仍然「活在悲傷中…」 (「We can live with sadness」 – Born to Run, Bruce Springsteen)
Someday, girl, I don’t know when
We’re gonna get to that place where we really wanna go
Bruce Springsteen 五年來首度出版全新專輯,六月中旬發行。 一如以往對大眾的慷慨,他提前分享了一首單曲「Hello Sunshine」。 歌詞的第一句「Had enough of heartbreak and pain」,為世人的心碎道出最後的註解。 傾唱著寂寞,訴說著憂鬱,淺吟著心碎,品嘗著不安,然後,一道細細長長的陽光灑落… 救贖也是自己的抉擇,願意承擔,寬廣的路於焉展開。
一切都是因果,你看到的不一定是真的。
Had enough of heartbreak and pain
Had a little sweet spot for the rain
For the rain and skies of gray
Hello sunshine won’t you stay
You know I always liked my walking shoes
But you can get a little too fond of the blues
You walk too far, you walk away
Hello sunshine won’t you stay
You know I always loved a lonely town
Those empty streets, no one around
You fall in love with lonely, you end up that way
Hello sunshine won’t you stay
You know I always liked that empty road
No place to be and miles to go
But miles to go is miles away
Hello sunshine won’t you stay
Miles to go is miles away
Hello sunshine won’t you stay
Hello sunshine won’t you stay
Hello sunshine
〈The Soloist〉,洛杉磯時報專欄作家 Steve Lopez 紀錄一位飽受「妄想型精神分裂症」折磨的流浪漢與他們之間的友誼。 Steve Lopez 無意間在鬧區的地下道發現這位流浪漢正練習著小提琴,而這把所謂的小提琴,只有兩條琴弦, 跳躍的琴弓也只剩下稀疏的弓毛。 再深一步探詢,這位流浪漢曾經在名校茱麗亞音樂院就讀過,主修低音提琴,與馬友友同期校友,同在學校的管弦樂團裡學習、演奏。
M 是個「妄想躁鬱症患者」。 我不喜標籤,不喜分門別類,但是當文字意象薄弱的時候,免不了必須使用世俗字眼。 年輕的奧斯卡小姐天不怕地不怕,一段德布西〈版畫〉、一曲馬勒〈悲劇〉、一刻相視,我接住了他肩上的痛苦與創傷。
與M 相處就像研究現代音樂一樣,身心與聽覺處於隨時接招的狀態。 你永遠不知道他下一秒鐘的情緒和思惟在哪一條軌跡,Mario Davidovsky 的衝突或是 La Monte Young 的極簡,Karlheinz Stockhausen 的龐大或是 Gyorgy Ligeti 的壓縮, Morton Feldman 的靜安或是 John Zorn 的複雜與爆發力…。
那一年的冬天非常灰暗,幾個月陰雨 (雪),不見天日。 只消 M的一通電話,我穿梭在皇后區到紐約市上西城區的地鐵軌道,時代廣場轉乘站永遠充滿了行色匆匆和目光繚望的靈魂,不分白天黑夜。 行經茱麗亞音樂院,我看著來來往往,跟我同樣有著迷惘表情的學生們,想著他們當中有多少人跟 M 一樣承受著不為人知的偏執與苦惱。 到了 M 的住所,他或許已安頓下來,只要我為他彈琴或說說作曲細節,待他安睡,我便在深夜裡迢迢跋涉,返回自己的住所;他或許心處低谷憂鬱,無可自拔,為了避免他傷害自己,我陪伴著,一整夜傾聽他喃喃傾訴生命中的悲歌;他或許被躁鬱暴烈支配,完全失去控制,我強拉著他上計程車,任由他在大街上和車上對我無情嘶吼咒罵,我冷靜莫名,握著他的手直奔精神醫科。
我真的冷靜嗎? 那只是在他和醫師面前的華麗偽裝。 在我的友人面前,我只有束手無策著潰堤。
初雪那一天,才經歷過一場魔鬼與心靈的風暴,我守在M 的住所,在窗前無意識地寫著期末曲子。 德布西〈版畫〉從 M 的琴房穿過細狹的門廊,「這是妳的旋律」,伴隨著第二主題的輕踅瑩亮,雪花淡淡從天而降。 我望著狹長的天井,望著侷促的天空,雪片紛然,像是永遠揮不去、忘不掉的悲傷。
「原來你跟我一樣視力微弱,」我看著它霧濛濛的雙眼,「不怕,我們不用眼看世界,“One sees clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye”。」我背了一段《小王子》書上名句。 相「視」而笑,我知道我們看到了彼此。